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#1 (permalink) Old 12-15-2010, 07:08 AM
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Taking Christmas gifts away as a punishment?

I have a daughter that is about to turn 6, and she is very much so our problem child. She does not respect my wife and continues to talk back to her. She has been very bad at school especially this month. Her teacher grades each day with a "light system." A green light is a great day, a yellow light is an okay day, and a red light is a bad day. She has earned red lights on all but 2 days this month. They all start on green to start the day, and if they move to yellow or red, they have the opportunity to earn the green back. This shows my daughter has not made attempts to earn it back. She was on red most of yesterday until her teacher told her she couldn't make ginger bread houses unless she earned at least yellow. She got yellow. She yells at the teacher, makes noises that are loud enough to disrupt the entire class, touches other kids when they ask her to leave them alone, has thrown chairs, and punched other kids. This morning, she stole from us.

I told my wife it was the final straw, and I was taking her Christmas gifts away (not gifts from relatives, but the ones we bought her). My wife didn't like this, and we argued about it all morning. She said we can't take Christmas away from her, and I told her that Christmas is about giving to others, so we can donate her gifts to Toys for Tots (not saying this is the only reason we would make a donation...we already made a donation). Am I wrong for wanting to take them away?

Earlier this year, we setup an easy reward system for a Disneyland trip. We said if she didn't earn it, she would stay with her grandparents. She didn't earn it, but we took her and it bit us in the @$$. She was terrible that trip. Later this year, we setup another easy reward system for a SeaWorld trip. She didn't earn it, but again we took her and again it bit us. We took her on the trips because we realize we shouldn't use family time as a punishment, but she did nothing but cause trouble.

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#2 (permalink) Old 12-15-2010, 07:12 AM
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Re: Taking Christmas gifts away as a punishment?

My kids get their butts tore up and everything taken away for bad marks in school. And talking back is not allowed at all. I have even turned the breaker off in their room for some things. Sorry, but I would beat my kids arse for doing that stuff no matter what my wife said.



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#3 (permalink) Old 12-15-2010, 07:17 AM
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Re: Taking Christmas gifts away as a punishment?

Sounds like a good old fashioned trip to the woodshed is in order, swiftly and surely.....


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#4 (permalink) Old 12-15-2010, 07:20 AM
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Re: Taking Christmas gifts away as a punishment?

My dad used to beat us.
It's amazing how fast you learn behavior.

This kid has your number. You are going to have to outsmart her.


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#5 (permalink) Old 12-15-2010, 07:20 AM
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Re: Taking Christmas gifts away as a punishment?

a 5 year old doing all of this?!!! some kids need the butts beat to keep them inline

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#6 (permalink) Old 12-15-2010, 07:21 AM
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Re: Taking Christmas gifts away as a punishment?

my dad would beat my brother's and I butt if we backed talked or got out of line

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#7 (permalink) Old 12-15-2010, 07:23 AM
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Re: Taking Christmas gifts away as a punishment?

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Originally Posted by helomech View Post
My kids get their butts tore up and everything taken away for bad marks in school. And talking back is not allowed at all. I have even turned the breaker off in their room for some things. Sorry, but I would beat my kids arse for doing that stuff no matter what my wife said.
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Sounds like a good old fashioned trip to the woodshed is in order, swiftly and surely.....
Oh, believe me I want to! I grew with a dad that had his feet very planted in his asian culture. My arse saw the broom stick, wooden spoon, and my favorite the extension cord for acting out when I was growing up. The thing about it...it taught me to respect not only my parents but to respect others. I always greet my elders with a sir or ma'am. I always answer yes, not yeah.

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#8 (permalink) Old 12-15-2010, 07:23 AM
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Re: Taking Christmas gifts away as a punishment?

Please don't take this the wrong way, but based on what you describe, it sounds like you're having problems way beyond punishments...

I have a 6 year old daughter myself, and I couldn't imagine going through that.

Have you thought about taking her to a child psychologist or even as a family gone to speak with someone?

Does she have any siblings that are being affected by her behavior?

Based on what you describe, I'm not really sure taking just "Santa's" gifts away would even have any impact on her...

Again, please don't take any of what I said the wrong way because I'm only going off what you describe...best of luck to you man, it must be a horrible thing to have to deal with...

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#9 (permalink) Old 12-15-2010, 07:27 AM
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Re: Taking Christmas gifts away as a punishment?

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Originally Posted by AZTitanSE View Post
Oh, believe me I want to! I grew with a dad that had his feet very planted in his asian culture. My arse saw the broom stick, wooden spoon, and my favorite the extension cord for acting out when I was growing up. The thing about it...it taught me to respect not only my parents but to respect others. I always greet my elders with a sir or ma'am. I always answer yes, not yeah.
I firmly believe some kids need to be whooped, others don't. But I also believe not whooping a kid that needs it is bad. I told my 15 year old the other day if I heard him talk back to his mom one more time (only did it once) that me and him where going in the yard and having a fight. I don't mean a whooping any more, one of us is getting hurt.



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#10 (permalink) Old 12-15-2010, 07:34 AM
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Re: Taking Christmas gifts away as a punishment?

Be a parent first, be buddies second...Best wishes in this matter.


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#11 (permalink) Old 12-15-2010, 07:35 AM
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Re: Taking Christmas gifts away as a punishment?

I think what your daughter is doing is considered posturing. She's learned to manipulate you and your wife to get what she wants. She's learned there is no real consequence for her actions and continues to bend the rules, and break them.

I have a 3 year old that is beginning to posture himself in this manner and I'm nipping it right in the butt. You have to make her accountable for her actions. No rewards for red days, no reward for yellow days. If she wants something when she gets home, IE tv time, playing with toys, etc. take it away from her. You have too or she'll get worse.

As dumb as this sounds watch a few episodes of Supernanny. You aren't the only one having this issue, and it can be corrected.

Your daughter is trying to find her place in the household. You have to make her realize you're the boss and you make the rules.

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#12 (permalink) Old 12-15-2010, 07:35 AM
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Re: Taking Christmas gifts away as a punishment?

You need to have your child tested. At 6 yrs old she shows that kind of anger with no consequences? In society we always yell about having to raise other peoples children because they won't discipline them, this is a perfect example of that. Sorry if I offend you but you need to first make sure she doesn't have a mental problem that a doctor can help with and then you need to open her eyes to serious consequences so that she understands early on in life that she doesn't rule her world. Good luck and merry christmas.
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#13 (permalink) Old 12-15-2010, 07:36 AM
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Re: Taking Christmas gifts away as a punishment?

Quote:
Originally Posted by bills1974 View Post
Please don't take this the wrong way, but based on what you describe, it sounds like you're having problems way beyond punishments...

I have a 6 year old daughter myself, and I couldn't imagine going through that.

Have you thought about taking her to a child psychologist or even as a family gone to speak with someone?

Does she have any siblings that are being affected by her behavior?

Based on what you describe, I'm not really sure taking just "Santa's" gifts away would even have any impact on her...

Again, please don't take any of what I said the wrong way because I'm only going off what you describe...best of luck to you man, it must be a horrible thing to have to deal with...
Not at all!

She was adopted as a foster child, so she has experienced quite a bit in her life. She was in foster care at 2 and stayed in foster care until we adopted her. During her time in foster care, she met with a child behavior coach and a therapist once a week for over a year. Both signed off saying she met all of the requirements, whatever that meant so the appointments stopped.

She is good when she wants to be. I know this may sound bad, but it is why I don't show as much empathy to her as I did when we first fostered her. When she truly knows something is at stake, like the ginger bread house, she will be good.

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Last edited by madrock; 12-15-2010 at 07:38 AM.
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#14 (permalink) Old 12-15-2010, 07:40 AM
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Re: Taking Christmas gifts away as a punishment?

wow, thats hard on a child being in foster care

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#15 (permalink) Old 12-15-2010, 07:52 AM
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Re: Taking Christmas gifts away as a punishment?

You have your hands full for sure.
Taking away possession is not the way to go about things. Telling her she cannot go on a trip will only make her resent you both more.
She has both you and her teachers numbers.
Almost sounds like there has been no boundaries in her life.
I would start off by having her sit facing into the corner for 10 minutes, no talking, no sounds. Make sure there isn't anything around she can grab. You will have to make sure she stays. The one thing children do not like is sitting still.
What ever you two decide you have to stay with it or follow through. Giving in is only telling her she can get away with what she is doing and be rewarded.
Something else that might help. Some children like structure/routine.
Something else to look into. Has she complained about headaches, pain, etc. I'm not saying there is a medical issue but you never know.

Please, do not take any of this the wrong way. I have a 14yr daughter and she can be a typical teenager (drama Queen) but she is an angle at friends homes, respects her elders. She loves structure and being on a routine.



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