For 37L1 & Sammy Sandbag

[Buzz]

Nice to see you got the Titan back Lon.

Tennessee Volunteer Jokes

Q: What do you call a beautiful girl on the Tennessee campus?
A: A Bama visitor

Q: How do you get a Tennessee football fan to stop beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Crimson

Q: What do you call a beautiful women on the arm of a Tennessee fan?
A: A tattoo

Q: What does a Tennessee grad call a Bama grad?
A: Boss

Q: What is the difference between a Tennessee divorce and a Tornado?
A: I don’t know either, but someone’s gonna lose a trailer

Q: What do tornadoes and Tennessee grads have in common?
A: They both always end up in trailer parks

Q: What does an Alabama student and a Tennessee student have in
common?
A: They both were accepted to Tennessee

Q: A man walks into a store and says, “I would like a orange hat, orange pants, orange sweater, and white shoes.” The clerk says, “are you a Vol fan?” “Yes replies the man, “How did you guess—by the color combination?” “No,” answers the clerk, because this is a hardware store.

Q: One day in a bus station, one man approached another and said, “ I
bet your from the University of Tennessee.” “Why yes I am”
answered the other. “How could you tell, was it my good looks, my
debonair charm, my taste in clothing?” “No”, replied the first, “I
saw your class ring as you were picking your nose.

Q: Why do the Tennessee Vol fans wear orange and white?
A: They can wear it to the game on Saturday…They can wear it
hunting on Sunday…and they can wear it to work on Monday
when they’re picking up garbage at the roadside!

Q: Why don’t Tennessee people water ski?
A: They can’t find any lakes that slope in the mountains

Q: What’s a seven course meal in Knoxville?
A: A possum and a six-pack

Q: Why is Tennessee changing their mascot to the possum?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road

Q: Where was OJ headed in his white Bronco?
A: To Tennessee. He knew the police would never look for a Heisman
winner there

Q: If you have a car containing a Vol wide receiver, a Vol linebacker,
and a Vol defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop

Q: What do you call an Tennessee grad wearing a suit and tie?
A: The defendant!

Q: What’s the difference between a Vol and a bucket of manure?
A: The bucket

Q: What are good uses for a Tennessee diploma?
1) Toilet paper
2) Proof of need for handicapped parking stickers
3) Crying towel
4) Proof of need for welfare

Q: Why did the Tennessee grad get fired from the M&M factory?
A: He was throwing away too many W’s

Q: What job do they assign Vols at the M&M factory?
A: Proofreading

Q: What is the most frequent line heard from graduates of Tennessee’s
business school?
A: Would you like fries with that

Q: How do you get a Tennessee grad off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza and tip him well

Q: How can you tell if it’s a Tennessee airplane when it is snowing?
A: Snow chains on the propellors

Q: Hear Phil Fulmer was only dressing 15 players for the Fiesta Bowl?
A: Heard the rest could dress themselves

Q: How do you know when an Tennessee graduate student uses your
computer?
A: The screen is covered with whiteout

Q: What do you call a Vol with half a brain
A: Gifted

Q: What are the toughest 6 years in a Tennessee students life?
A: 3rd Grade

Q: What’s the difference between a Vol and a dollar bill?
A: You only get three quarters out of a Vol

Q: How do you compliment a Tennessee fan?
A: Nice tooth

Q: What does Tennessee and 7up have in common?
A: Never had it, never will

Q: Hear about the Tennessee guy that took his girl to the Knoxville
Zoo?
A: They wouldn’t keep her

Q: What does a Tennessee angler do when his boat springs a leak?
A: Drills a hole in the other end to let out the water

Q: What do Tennessee fans call I-59?
A: Trail of tears

Q: How many Tennessee students does it take to make popcorn?
A: Eleven. One to hold the pan, and ten to shake the stove

Q: Tennessee is getting ready to hire a new offensive coordinator
A: His name is Win-One-Soon

Q: Did you hear about the tragedy on the Tennessee campus:
A: The library burned down…they lost both books…and the real
tragedy is, one of them had not even been colored in yet.

Q: There was a couple who were getting a divorced, so the judge said to
the child, “Who do you want to live with? Do you want to live with
your Dad?” “No,’ said the child, “he beats me.”
“Do you want to live with your Mom then?” “No, she beats me too”.
“Well who do you want to live with?” “I want to live with a Vol fan”
said the little girl, “because they can’t beat anybody that’s good.

Q: A Tennessee grad was hunting in the woods. He came upon a
beautiful woman laying naked in the grass. “Are you game?” He
asked. The women said “yes”. So he shot her

Q: An Alabama and Tennessee fan were driving in opposite directions
on dark stormy night and they had a collision in the middle of the
road. The Vol manages to climb out of his car and survey the
damage. Like wise the Alabama man climbs out of his car and does
the same. Both feel lucky to have survived the wreck. The Vol walks
over to the Bama man and says “I think this is a sign from God
we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead
of arch rivals. The Bama man says “you are absolutely right!
We should be friends”. Now I am going to see what else survived this
wreck. So the Bama man opens his trunk and finds a full unopened
bottle of Jack Daniels. He says to the Vol, “I think this is another
sign from God that we should toast to our new found understanding
and friendship.” The Vol says, “You’re right!”, and he grabs the
bottle and starts sucking down the whiskey. After putting away
nearly half the bottle, he hands it back to the Bama man and says,
“Your turn!” The Bama man twists the cap back on the bottle and
says, “Nahh, I think I’ll just wait for the cops to show up.”

Q: What does the Tennessee football team and a sand castle both
have in common?
A: They both look good until the Tide Rolls in

Q: What do you get if you cross a Tennessee Football player with
an Auburn Cheerleader?
A: Nothing! There is some things even a Tennessee player won’t do

[pagerdaddy]

It really hurts my Volunteer spirit to read something like that. I guess I'll console myself with Tennessee having beaten Alabama 9 times in the last 10 years (number 9 was in 2004).

BTW, Sammy's not a Vol fan. I think he's a Clemson man.

[37L1]

Hey Buzz, thanks for the laugh!

[Sammy Sandbag]

Originally Posted by pagerdaddy

It really hurts my Volunteer spirit to read something like that. I guess I'll console myself with Tennessee having beaten Alabama 9 times in the last 10 years (number 9 was in 2004).

BTW, Sammy's not a Vol fan. I think he's a Clemson man.

I guess I'll console myself with this:

[37L1]

Yeah, keep reaching back for that one.

How's Clemson looking this year?

[Sammy Sandbag]

Originally Posted by 37L1

Yeah, keep reaching back for that one.

How's Clemson looking this year?

We'll see.....

[37L1]

Any predictions?

[Sammy Sandbag]

Not after last year.....

[Farmer Fred]

Q: A Clemson football player, an Alabama football player, and a Tennessee football player are all in the same car. Who's driving?


















A: The sheriff.

[Buzz]

Preseason rankings according Collegefootballnews.com/Fox Sports:

1 USC - Finally no Least Coast Bias
2 LSU
3 Tennessee
4 Miami (FL)
5 Ohio State
6 Georgia
7 Michigan
8 Florida
9 Texas
10 Virginia Tech

Others

11 Florida State
12 Oklahoma
15 Auburn
19 Virginia
20 Georgia Tech
21 Alabama
24 Clemson
31 Utah
32 Texas A&M
42 Nebraska
44 Ole Miss
45 Arkansas
48 Notre Dame
50 Wisconsin
57 Stanford - Near where Buzz lives
71 Southern Miss
77 Air Force
89 Navy
108 San Jose State - Buzz went to skool there, but then transferred
110 Army
119 Florida Atlantic - Dead last

[Sammy Sandbag]

Well at least we made the top 25.......

In fact I'm glad we aren't ranked that high, seems we blow it whenever they have Clemson ranked high in the preseason polls. Maybe this will give them something to work for this year, especially after last year's USC game fiasco.

[Bayou Titan]

Four SEC teams in the top ten!

[TYTAIN]

Originally Posted by Farmer Fred

Q: A Clemson football player, an Alabama football player, and a Tennessee football player are all in the same car. Who's driving?

A: The sheriff.

Now that's funny right there, I don't care who you are!

[37L1]

Yeah, good one Fred!

[Titan4x4Aggie]

Originally Posted by Buzz

Preseason rankings according Collegefootballnews.com/Fox Sports:

1 USC - Finally no Least Coast Bias
2 LSU
3 Tennessee
4 Miami (FL)
5 Ohio State
6 Georgia
7 Michigan
8 Florida
9 Texas
10 Virginia Tech

Others

11 Florida State
12 Oklahoma
15 Auburn
19 Virginia
20 Georgia Tech
21 Alabama
24 Clemson
31 Utah
32 Texas A&M
42 Nebraska
44 Ole Miss
45 Arkansas
48 Notre Dame
50 Wisconsin
57 Stanford - Near where Buzz lives
71 Southern Miss
77 Air Force
89 Navy
108 San Jose State - Buzz went to skool there, but then transferred
110 Army
119 Florida Atlantic - Dead last

CFN isn't the best poll to show for rankings...MAINLY BECAUSE THEY HAVE A&M OUT OF THE TOP 25!

Everyone else has us ranked 16 - 22