Tuesday Morning Joke(s)

[tholmes]

President Bush and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Rumsfeld sitting over there?"
The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor! . What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III."
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits."
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?"
Bush turns to Rumsfeld and says, "See, I told you no one CARES about the 140 million Muslims".

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So this panda is tired of hanging around the zoo and decides one night, when his cage is accidently left open, that he's going to do what people do. Being after dark, he's heads to the bar for some good 'ol fashion binge drinkin'

So this panda bear is sitting at the bar drinking some beers and is approached by a fine lady who asks him if he wants to go home with her.
So the panda bear obliges and goes back to this gal's place for a night of wild sex.

In the morning he gets up to leave to get back to the zoo, and she says
"You can't leave you have to pay me"

Panda bear says "why would I pay you"

Girl says "I'm a prostitute"

Panda bear says "yeah and I'm a Panda bear"

Girl says "you don't understand".....grabbing a dictionary, she shows the Panda the definition of prostitute: Person who has sex in exchange for money

Quickly thinking, the Panda Bear opens the dictionary to Panda and says "see, Panda Bear : Animal that eats bush and leaves"

"Good-bye"!

************************************************** ****
This last one is so funny, I am crying with laughter everytime i read it. Just freakin' PRICELESS!


A preist wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!

The next day the local paper carried this headline: PRIESTS A$$ SHOWS. The preist was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREIST"S A$$ OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREIST'S A$$.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST A$$ IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.

The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS A$$ FOR $10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER A$$ IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

[70DATSUN]

Well they were good for a laugh.

[aldaman]

LMAO Cant wait to see what Wednesday's jokes are!!!!!!