Couple 'o Jokes

[tholmes]

Jane and Arlene

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink
and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene : What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene : Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she w ants a box of co ndoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom
she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'


The pharmacist fainted.

__________________________________________________ __________


Redneck Dog

On a hot summer day, a redneck came into town with his dog. He tied the dog under the shade of a tree and went into the bar for a cold beer.

About 20 minutes later a policeman came into the bar and asked who owned the dog tied under the tree. The redneck said that it was his.

The policeman said, "Your dog seems to be in heat."

The redneck replies, "No way dog's in heat; she's cool kawse I got 'er tied unner the shade tree."

The policeman says, "No! You don't understand your dog needs to be bred."

"No way," the redneck says, "dog don't need bread, she ain't hongr y, kawse I fed 'er beef jerky this mornin'."

Now the policeman gets mad and yells out; "NO! You don't seem to understand, your dog wants to have sex!"

The redneck looks at him with a long pause and says, "Go 'head. I always wanted a police dog!"

[gixxer0.6g]

Haha, those are great. Just what I needed on a monday.