Titan Humiliates Pimped Lancer

[Steamguy]

Headline:
Self-Important Kid Humiliated by Dirty, Banged-up, Stock Trim, Only Slighly Modded Early '04 Titan SE

First let me state the disclaimer: During this particular drive, I continuously made sure that I personally was not a danger to other people. I can bend up my own vehicle and get beat up in the process, but I have no right to mess up anyone else or their property. (This was the first line in our hotrodder club's creed, but it seems to be ignored nowadays.)

So now the story:
I was on my way home last night, leaving town via our old country roads. This kid in a pimped-up Mitsubishi Lancer (monochrome paint job, phony wing on the trunk, fart-can exhaust, ugly custom wheels with two-inch-tall sidewalls) is ahead of me, and he's just screwing around, weaving around in his lane, going slow.

Oh, great, I think. I have to follow this slowpoke now probably all the way home.

But on the way up the first long hill, it looks like he wants to play... He fiddles around and downshifts (braap, braap, bruuuuummmmm) and he's getting it going. Finally.

I let him go, first because I really don't race people (any more), and I don't like to abuse my pickup. It gets plenty of abuse around home and towing... Second, because the local constabulary likes to use that stretch to increase the town's revenue stream. And third, there's a new housing development ahead where people have the mentality of just pulling right out onto the country road without looking.

So I get past the new housing development, and out into our winding country roads. And here's our Mitsubishi again, just put-putting along. I'm coming up on him, and suddenly he's taking off again. I watch as he takes one corner pretty fast, (it's been the first rain in a while, so the roads are slick) and I start thinking that this kid's been playing too many video games.

I round the corner, and there he is again... I'm coming up on him and he takes off. So okay, this moron wants to play, but doesn't know that I used to be something of a pretty good corner-carver, AND I know my vehicle, and what it will and won't do.

I figured, we're coming to open country with good visibility, where I could see ahead of my victim, even if he wasn't looking out for himself. So okay, kid. Want to play? You're beat on two counts: A Sterling Moss fan, And! The! TITAN!

I hit the gas, (not all the way - "Never show the other guy how hot your car is until you're ready to humiliate him" - another line from our old hotrodder's creed) and I immediately catch up with the kid. There is a blind sharp right turn coming up and the kid is going into it WAY too fast. I back off the gas and give it a bit of brake, because if the idiot is going into the weeds, then I'd better be able to stop safely and call 911.

To my surprise, this kid has been practicing with the car. He does a 'fast and furious' move around the corner, taking it sideways. He's in the other lane which is very bad form especially on a blind curve, but he at least makes it around. We hit a short straightaway, and I'm almost immediately up with him. Another left sweeper, and I stay glued, a length and a half back - enough to let him know I'm following, but not so close as to be dangerous.

Now we're coming to the really dangerous corner if you're going fast. It's a 20 MPH 90° corner, and it's crowned. IF you go too fast and slide, you find yourself on the other side of the crown and you're in the ditch; possibly into the field, and will be joining the list of people who've paid to fix that farmer's fence. Fortunately, the kid slows and pulls the corner at a reasonable speed.

There's a long, fast stretch on the other side of that corner, and I can hear the kid shift. I hit the corner just right so as to not break traction and then I roll fully onto the gas in the Titan. It takes less than two seconds and I'm on the kid's tail.

Got the point yet kid? I can outdrive you and out-accelerate you. Time to give up.

A reverse-bank left turn comes up, followed by another long hilly straight. I stay right with the kid to 70 (oops, I mean 50: I don't speed any more), then ease way off for the top of the hill so I don't do something stupid like go airborne. There's a 25 MPH blind right turn about 600 feet on the other side of that hill.

It's at this point where I know I've made my point, and I'm home anyway, so I slam the brakes and turn into the lane. The kid roars on, and into the other lane again.

I'm thinking: Kid, you've had enough. Don't fool with Titan drivers anymore. Go sit on the floor and play your video games. This stuff is dangerous to you and others if not done right, and although it looks like you can drive, you have NO sense about keeping the car in your own lane.

(I don't normally do stuff like this anymore, but this idiot got me ticked, and there's a point to be made about driving safely...)

[Kenny Blankenship]

Nice one Steamguy!!!

[CoachBoone]

Good one, teach!

[konigfritz]

Mr. Safety given tips.

[BRACEYOSELF777]

Good job fellow TITAN owner! Maybe you should post that creed for all of us.