Nissan Titan Forum banner

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,294 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR WOMEN:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change $20.00

Coffee $1.00

Total $21.00

================================================== ========

OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a
check for $50.00.

2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil
filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket surface.

18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19) Remember drain plug from step 11.

20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21) Drink beer.

22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
kitty litter on oil spill.

23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily
rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess
skin between knuckles and frame.

25) Begin cussing fit.

26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.

28) Beer.

29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

30) Beer.

31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32) Beer.

33) Lower car from jack stands.

34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
during any missed steps.

35) Beer.

36) Test drive car.

37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

38) Car gets impounded.

39) Call loving wife, make bail.

40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $20.00
Total -- $4,145.00

But you know the job was done right!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,438 Posts
Lets see,
1. I pull up the the dealership, honk and drive in
2. Perry Nissan changes the oil, other fluids, and washes the truck.
3. I check out the cars in the showroom and the recoptionist.
4. 15min later I pay the cashier $31 and take my happy a$$ on down the road.


No beer involved. No jail, no problem. I know numerous people with engine and vehicle damage due to the idiots they have at Jiffy Lube.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,528 Posts
^^^ Way to kill a joke...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,480 Posts
adavis99 said:
^^^ Way to kill a joke...
No $hit.... I like it, everything but the DUI I've experienced.....:cheers:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,635 Posts
yeah that dui price is a little low, average dui costs 8600 for everything :eek: plus killing someone if you hit someone. then jail time
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top